Guilt can be a pretty powerful word. I've been doing a lot of researching, digging deep and really pondering on what this word really means in my life.
Growing up in a Roman Catholic environment you can imagine, if you know of this kind of culture, was growing up with a lot of guilt. Add being a military brat, throw in several micromanaging bosses and a bucket full of crappy relationships and there's a whole lot of guilt in there. Not to mention what mom guilt feels like lol!
Really doing some analysis on what guilt can do to your life, I realized at 43 that I had been walking around this Earth constantly feeling like I was doing something wrong, constantly feeling guilty of what I was doing or being or saying. And even worse, feeling guilty for being who I am.
The shock was realizing to what extent I actually felt this way. I realized that little things in our lives, if we do not process them individually and correct them emotionally for ourselves, can be carried for years and not even realize it.
For instance, some of the little many things that have made their stamp on me feeling guilty and feeling like I'm doing something wrong everyday are situations like being legally bullied consistently by an ex which can put you in a position of feeling like you're not a good parent, or that you're consistently doing something wrong. That my dear will take a lot of confidence and reassuring yourself that you are incredible, that you are a magnificent parent.
Maybe you were abused as a child or involved in an abusive relationship. This is one of the heaviest of all. Being told by someone that you love and trust that you are not worthy, that you are not good enough, and that you deserve to be mistreated can have a long toll on your self-esteem if you do not take action.
Do you work for an abusive boss? Are you doing parenthood all alone with no one to bounce it off of? Do you feel bad for something that you did in the past but you never rectified?
Walking around with guilt is like walking around with an infectious cyst. Walking around everyday feeling like you're doing something wrong is equivalent to having two huge iron chains attached to you and being thrown over a boat into the ocean. Guilt is heavy, guilt is an emotion that has been put on us by society and humans because we do not meet the standards of what other people might think.
Now I'm not talking about the kind of guilt that you feel after you've hurt someone's feelings or you've done something wrong. I'm talking about that empty guilt that we walk around with that's not even ours to begin with.
I've been working a lot on my root chakra, learning that a lot of guilt and a lot of anger and a lot of self-esteem issues can come from this chakra. Affirmations every single day reminding yourself that you are worthy of love, that you are worthy of the things that you want in life I have found are extremely important. I used to turn away from affirmations but I'm learning that that voice in my head needs to have a counter. And that is what the affirmations are for me. Every single time I hear a man's voice tell me that I am a piece of crap, I hear a strong goddess woman's voice tell them that they are no longer welcomed here and that their voice is not heard.
Everyery single time I look at my daughter and feel like I've made the wrong decision on something because I've been consistently told I'm not a good parent by a certain someone, I remind myself of her reflection of love, pride and devotion that I get and receive and give to my daughter on a daily basis. seeing how proud she makes me as a human being allows me to know that I have done so much good and that I should never feel guilty for it.
Learning to forgive myself for a lot of the mistakes that I have made in my life is probably the biggest lesson of all. We talk about forgiving others but we never really talk about forgiving ourselves. Many of us walk around without even haven forgiven ourselves for maybe something we did as a child.
If any of this resonates with you, I'm here just to remind you today that you are not to feel guilty. That you are not to listen to anybody else's voices about who you should be, how you should act or how you should think or even what you should look like. You my dear, were brought to this Earth for magick, you were brought to this Earth to change it, and you were brought to this Earth to change you and to grow as you. Don't feel guilty for anything that is not yours.
A few years ago I got this tattoo on my arm.
"Not yours. Quiet them."
A gentle reminder to myself to remember not to listen to other people's voices in my own head but to listen to my own. By quieting the voices that are not yours in your head you are able to find your true self and align with the magnificent person that you already are on the inside.