Some of the best advice one of my therapists ever gave me was that around marking my boundaries, hell learning even what they really were to begin with!
Growing up, part of my childhood showed me that my boundaries had been pushed inward, out of my control. Traumatic experiences showed me that I thought I was deserving of mistreatment, of neglect or even abuse. So growing up as you can imagine was tough relearning where those boundaries stood and how to protect them.
After a year-long narcissistic sociopath relationship, I was seeking the therapeutic Healing of an amazing therapist. She gave me some incredible advice but two things stood out to me more than others. Both of those having to do with boundaries, something that I struggled hard to first, know what they were, and where I should have them.
Some of the things that I learned from her still stand strong in who I am today and what I teach others.
One of my absolute favorite things that she taught me was when somebody is disrespecting you, to your face or on the phone, where you are not able to either get a word in edgewise or it simply is just not going in the direction that serves anyone any good, there are some easy tactics that you can do to remove yourself from the situation. Some of the best advice she gave me in that situation is to kindly explain to the other person that you no longer are able to stay in that conversation, (however you want to word that as long as it's not very offensive). After you've stated that you no longer want to stay in the conversation, say because they are cursing or being verbally abusive, once you state you cannot stay in that conversation because of those things and if they continue to do so you are going to have to hang up or leave, you therefore are putting yourself in a higher playing space and not stooping to theirs. No they probably are not going to like it and then no, they are definitely probably not going to pay attention to anything you said however you are able at this point to remove yourself from the situation and psychologically be in a good place for it.
If you've seen Family Guy, then you know exactly what I'm talking about when it comes to the concept behind Stewart repeatedly calling his Mother....
"Mom, Mama, mom, mother, Mama, Mommy, Mom, moooooooooother!!!"
The theory behind this is, if you state your boundaries and you don't stick to those boundaries, just like a child a person is going to continue until you finally give in. If you give in at the 10th time they will push you until the 11th time the next time. And so on. Yeah marking your boundaries can be very difficult at first, when you haven't really placed them in the first place however slowly but surely marking these little steaks into your compound will make a long and standing difference.
One of my other all-time favorites from my therapist? Very simply put.
"The minute you start to mark your boundaries, you will start to piss a lot of people off."
This is because we work off of each other's energies as humans. We work off of other people's reactions and patterns and then develop our own. So when we start to shift our own patterns and energy, other people around us are forced to change theirs, willingly or unwillingly. Most of the time unwillingly, therefore causing people to be pissed off.
Again the theory behind this? Stick to your guns, don't give up and sooner or later they will have to adapt. You do You and what's best for you and everyone around you will have to figure it out.
Cheers, because it works!